“Child access”, “custody” and “visitation” are terms many parents still use, but the law in England and Wales now talks about child arrangements: who a child lives with, and when they spend time with each parent. This guide explains how those arrangements work after separation, what a court looks at, and how family mediation helps parents agree without a court battle.
For a detailed look at mediating arrangements for your children, see our child arrangements mediation page.
Parental responsibility
Parental responsibility means the rights and duties a parent has for a child, such as decisions about education, medical treatment and religion. Mothers always have it. A father has it if he was married to the mother when the child was born, or if he is named on a birth certificate registered after 1 December 2003. Parents can also gain it by agreement or court order.
Separation does not take parental responsibility away. Both parents usually keep an equal say in important decisions, whoever the children live with.
Types of child arrangements
Every family is different, but most arrangements fall into a few patterns:
- Shared care: children spend substantial time with both parents. This might be an equal split, such as alternate weeks, or something close to it.
- Living mainly with one parent: children live mostly with one parent and spend regular time with the other, such as alternate weekends, a midweek evening and part of the school holidays.
- Flexible arrangements: a pattern built around work, school and the children’s activities, reviewed as children grow.
Arrangements usually also cover school holidays, birthdays and festivals, handovers, contact by phone or video, and how you will make decisions together. All of this can be recorded in a parenting plan. Our free parenting plan template is a good place to start.
What the court looks at
If parents cannot agree and apply to court, the judge’s overriding concern is the child’s welfare. The court considers a list of factors known as the welfare checklist, including:
- The child’s wishes and feelings, in light of their age and understanding
- Their physical, emotional and educational needs
- The likely effect of any change in circumstances
- Their age, background and any relevant characteristics
- Any harm they have suffered or are at risk of
- How capable each parent is of meeting their needs
The court presumes that involvement from both parents benefits the child, unless there is evidence that it would put the child at risk. A Cafcass officer may speak to both parents and, where appropriate, the child, and report to the court.
How family mediation helps
Before applying to court, you will usually need to attend a MIAM unless an exemption applies. Mediation then gives you a structured, confidential space to agree arrangements yourselves. It helps because:
- You decide, not a judge, so arrangements fit your family’s routines.
- It is quicker: most families agree child arrangements in one or two sessions, compared with many months through court.
- It costs far less, and families with children may get up to £500 through the mediation voucher scheme.
- Children can be heard: through child-inclusive mediation, children aged 10 and over can share their views with a specially trained mediator.
- It protects your co-parenting relationship, which matters for years to come.
If face-to-face discussion feels too difficult, shuttle mediation lets you stay in separate rooms while the mediator moves between you. If there are safety concerns, your mediator will assess them privately at the MIAM. See our safeguarding page.
Tips for co-parenting after separation
- Keep children out of adult disagreements, and never use them as messengers.
- Keep routines as consistent as possible between homes.
- Communicate about the children in a businesslike, respectful way. A shared calendar or co-parenting app can help.
- Support your children’s relationship with the other parent.
- Review arrangements as children grow and their needs change.
Useful organisations
- Cafcass: guidance for parents and children on the family court
- Gingerbread: support for single parents
- Relate: counselling for individuals, couples and families
- Family Mediation Council: find an accredited family mediator
Talk to a mediator
If you are struggling to agree arrangements for your children, book a free 10-minute call or call 0330 043 6360. We will explain your options and the next steps.
